Friendship—It’s Complicated – Andi Andrew
April 22, 2022 |
Creating Healthy Relationships As Christians
Andi Andrew, co-founding pastor of Liberty Church and author of She is Free, Fake or Follower, and Friendship – It’s Complicated, isn’t afraid to analyze the common denominator in her failed friendships: herself. In this episode, Pastor Andi candidly shares what she’s learned through her own mistakes and offers tools for creating meaningful and lasting relationships, including humility, confrontation, and boundaries—all of which starts with self.
When it comes to healthy relationships, Andi says the best place to start is to go first. That looks like forgiving and saying sorry, working to uncover issues, starting the healing process—and doing all this even if those gestures are never returned.
Other times, it’s giving grace instead of judging, blaming, putting up walls, and cutting people off. Going first means we choose to initiate peace with one another. And yes, sometimes we choose to go first by accepting the ending that has come in a friendship or relationship.
The best model of going first for Andi is her mentor, Maria Durso. After being born prematurely, her mother dying during her birth, her father becoming an alcoholic, and being sexually abused, Maria faced a world of hurt and hardships. But instead of being a victim of her circumstances, Maria was saved, planted a church, and continues today to open the door or encourage someone else. Andi says, “She has shown me the power of going first no matter the pain that you have faced in your past.”
Handling Confrontation With Love & Truth
We were all made for connection and relationship. Yet too often, as Andi points out, friendships are marked by drama, competition, betrayal, or unforgiveness. Confrontation is a crucial part of growing and strengthening genuine relationships—the key is doing all of that with truth and love.
When done right, Andi says that confrontation can be healing and can strengthen a relationship. The challenge is having a confrontation in a healing way. According to Andi, “We have the most unhealthy confrontational culture that we probably have ever had… we can be faceless, and we can cancel people, cut them down, and say things we would never say in a loving way to someone’s face.” Instead of canceling or cutting people off, confrontation is best delivered with truth and love. Andi encourages having conversations by saying things like, “Are we okay?” “What are your expectations of me?” and, “I need to let you know that what you did hurt me.” And the sooner we start these conversations, the better.
To learn more about how we’re to love one another and build relationships that last, tune into this episode of our Moving Mountains Podcast.
If you would like to hear more from Andi or check out her fantastic resources, go to andiandrew.com.